Have you guys ever had to face a task so daunting that it leaves you feeling sick? Or know that you have to do something that you are dreading to the point of choosing denial? That's me right now. I've been writing for awhile now. Often choosing funny stories about my kids or an awesome new project over the reality of what the future holds. That sounds all dark and stuff. It's really not. The future can hold lots of exciting things! It's just time for me to stop living in denial and face reality. My future isn't going to look the way I thought it was going to. That doesn't mean it's going to be bad ... it's just going to be different.
When my husband and I were dating I told him that I had MD. I had the brain knowledge to understand what that meant. My husband is a science-minded guy so he definitely understood. Problem is, no one thought to tell my heart. Over the past 10 years and especially after the birth of my second little monster, I watched my body change. I went from having a hard time going up stairs to standing at the bottom of two steps trying to will myself up. I was unsuccessful. That's okay, plaster a smile on and keep going. That was harder to do after my last Dr. appointment.
Sitting in my Dr.s office knowing that my strength testing was dangerously low, I knew things would never be the same again. He told me in the most sensitive way he could that it was time to accept that this is going to happen and think about using a chair when I'm out. What a blow!! So, here I am learning to face reality. I like being active. I like trying to be healthy and strong. This is not part of my plan! Every time I think about it, either a wall of denial goes up or a stream of panic enters my body. I'm not ready for this. But ... ready or not, eh? So, begins a new chapter in my life. The chapter of acceptance and the beginning of an incredible journey.
