I think it's so important to be an optimistic person. You certainly don't want to walk around with sunshine coming out your butt, but it is important to try to look at the positive. I think looking at the negative all the time would take away so much of my drive and motivation for the future. My concern is ... what do you do during those times when you struggle to keep it all together?
About 4 months ago I started feeling different. After writing my first book about my family's experience with Autism and MD, I started to struggle. I think it was the first time that I allowed myself to understand what was going on. Since my daughter's diagnosis, we have been in "problem solving" mode. There wasn't much time to think about what had happened or what will happen. Even for myself, I've been diagnosed with MD for 12 years and I am just now accepting it. Is that weird? I don't know. I think denial can be a really good coping mechanism. I guess I thought if I was a good enough person, I could beat this thing. Sounds silly, but the subconscious can do some pretty interesting things.
I decided to see my family doctor. I didn't really know what to tell her. Was I experiencing depression? anxiety? or was it just part of the grieving process? It's been 4 months. Whatever I'm going through, it's getting a little better. I think. We've talked about medication ... doesn't have to be a long term thing and the decision is left in my hands. Should I take something to help me through this stage of my life? I don't know. When I keep the wall of denial up, I end up feeling lonely. When I lower the wall, I feel so much anxiety and fear. Ready or not, life is going to happen. I don't know what to do.
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