Living in this world

Let’s be honest here.   When we meet someone for the first time, our brains are in overload.  There is a lot of subconscious judgement that takes place.  I believe dominance is established within 5 minutes of meeting someone.  I once met a lady who was so threatened by me.  She was studying to be a social worker and because I already had a degree and was working on my masters, she pushed and pushed me into a corner until I admitted to her that her degree would get her farther.  Dominance.   I guess she needed to feel that between us.  I thought it was silly.  I understand now how it feels to be in minority and to feel these unspoken social hierarchies.  I don’t for one minute think that anyone looks at someone in a wheel chair and says or even believes that they are better.  No.  That would be socially unacceptable.  But it’s there.   I did an experiment a few months ago and asked people to be real about the following question, “what do you think when you see someone with a disability or someone who looks different’?  I so appreciated the honesty.  The answers varied from, “I feel more comfortable about my own flaws” to “I’m just glad it’s not me”.  I don’t feel “judged” by people for having a disability, but I certainly feel the hierarchy.  When I sit down to talk with someone stronger than me, more educated than me, prettier than me or more outgoing than me, I automatically take the lower position on the totem pole.  And you know what makes it worse?  Someone who officiously tries to help.  Yes, it’s kind and often necessary, but it no less makes the gap of dominance bigger.  You are undoubtedly the winner.  I can’t top that.  Sure, I can try by impressing you with my character and integrity, but in my mind, you win.  This thinking may be wrong, but digress with me.  You have a doctor and a patient.  A doctor is a servant to the people around them, but it is definitely a dominant role.  Even nurses respect the authority of the doctor.  This is just the hierarchy of life.  When a doctor is helping me dress, I know that I would be treated with respect, but the person of authority and the person of vulnerability have been assigned very clear roles.

My experience lies in the area of physical disability.  Someone else’s experience lies in a different area.  Like anyone else's struggle, there are conditions that someone with a disability cannot count on when living in an able bodied world.   I point out that I do not blame any able bodied person, but these are things that I have seen my friends, family, acquaintances and strangers take for granted.  Of course, none of these things are a reason for anyone in a minority to have an unfulfilled life.

Being able to get out of a booth or chair at a restaurant

Having a washroom available that they can use

Purchasing items on the bottom shelf at a grocery store

Wearing shoes

Not being starred at … unless their skirt is tucked into their underwear.

Generally assuming that a compliment is merited and not awarded because the standard is lower.

Falling calls for a normal response instead of looks that suggest a poem be written about the tragedy that is your life.

Being able to try clothes on in a change room

The option for the “giving” side to balance the “receiving” side and all the positive feelings of worth that go with it.

Choosing  a career based on desire, education and skills.

Choosing recreation based on desire and means.

What we need to understand is that we should all be servants to each other.  People in places of authority, may it be as a helping friend or a position in society; we all need to be aware of how the other person feels. This role can change.  In some situations, I feel like the person who is dominant and I too have to be aware of what “rights” that brings to the relationship.   My message is for anyone who has a position of authority whether or not they believe that they are in that position .. earned or unearned.  Doctors, occupational therapist, social workers, teachers, police, bosses, people with wealth, good friends or members of society.  When someone needs you on any level, they are allowing you into a place of vulnerability and there is an unspoken hierarchy.  What I believe to be a place of privilege.   I don’t think it’s a bad thing.  I think it’s something that should be protected.